July 1, 2009 ~ Another Reason to Trust Him More

I know that I’ve learned to trust God more through this journey, and today I have even more reasons to trust Him.  More reasons to know that I am not in control so I have to lean into Him and try to find rest and accept the comfort of my Father.

First, the good news.  My platelets are at

173!!!! 

So, I am well within the normal range now, which starts at 140.  It’s been months since I’ve been anywhere near that illusive title of “normal” and it feels pretty darn good to be considered normal – at least in this part of my life.  In other areas, probably not so much – I can’t tell you the number of medical professionals who have told me that I’m not normal!  ha ha ha  I am beyond grateful to know that my platelets are responding to all the prayer and treatment and it tickles me to visualize the normal cells fighting off all those cancer cells that seek to take over.  Wednesdays are a day of battle, and while it’s been hard, today proved that it’s been worth it. 

For all of this I give thanks.

There was some not-so-good news too, though.  And, while I hate to even trouble you with it, I’ll share this so you’ll know how to pray because I know so many of you who have become dear friends are reaching out with your faith and joining it with ours, and that means so much to me.  You’ll never, ever know how much.

I received a call from my oncologist yesterday and she told me that she was coming to suspect that I may have a blood disorder given the great number of crazy-heavy nosebleeds that I’ve had which have resulted in many blood transfusions already.  We’re not talking your average run-of-the-mill nosebleeds here.  As my oncologist said, “There’s nosebleeds, and then there are the kinds of nosebleeds that you are experiencing that lead to all these transfusions.”  She also said that a preliminary test I had to check my clotting time was abnormal, so she’s scheduled me an appointment with a Hemotologist next week and several other tests that they ran today.  One of the tests that I had today was a bit more advanced blood clotting test.  The phlebotomist applied a blood pressure cuff to my arm and then cut a small slit into my forearm.  Every 30-seconds she blotted up the blood from the cut and expected it to clot within 8 minutes if I had a normal clotting time.  At 15 minutes, when it was still flowing freely, she gave up.  It’s not normal.  Something’s wrong.  With my platelets at 173, the blood should be clotting on its own but it’s just not.  It never occurred to me that I could reach the safety of normal platelet numbers and still have the concern of heavy bleeding like this.  It makes me wonder why the platelets are underperforming.  It’s another answer I don’t  have, but I know the  One who does.  And it is to Him that I continue to look for answers to my prayers for complete healing.

In other news, I’ve returned to my Ear, Nose & Throat doctor to help with my nosebleeds.  He cauterized the vessels again and packed the nostril that is particularly raw and problematic.  We are hoping that this will help, and if it does, he’ll pack the other one too.  He said that he has seen this problem in other cancer patients who are on Taxol chemotherapy, but not commonly.  He also said that he has a cancer patient whose platelets are underperformers too and wondered if I was having the same problem.  Again, I’m still seeking answers.  Seems like the doctors are puzzled too.  Again.

From the beginning of this journey, I selected a “battle cry song” that reminds me of how I want to deal with all things that come at me, whether they be good or bad.  It is my heart’s desire to be pleasing to God in the midst of this storm – I want Him to be proud of me.  I fail of course – all the time – but I somehow think He understands my humanness and is quick to forgive me when I ask Him to because I really do want to make Him happy with me.  He’s done so much for me, He’s loved me through it all and continues to comfort and calm me.  How could I not trust Him?  How could I not love Him?  How could I not turn to Him?  He’s all I have who is bigger and mightier than this war!

“Blessed Be Your Name” (our battle cry!), courtesy of YouTube: