May 22, 2009 ~ Rest
Then Jesus said, “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest.
~ Matthew 11:28 (NLT)
Chemo didn’t go so well Wednesday. Maybe it was my attitude, maybe something else – but I know I wasn’t in the best frame of mind when I went in for treatment. I was feeling sick and tired and had sort of lost the ability to even cover it up. It was just hanging out there for everyone to see.
I’m a huge believer in disciplining my mind and attitude. Huge. Believer. But I let myself down, and gave in to all the crummyness that I was feeling instead of focusing on the true knowledge I have in Christ Jesus. Everytime I do that, I regret it. Feelings are fleeting. The love of Christ, the scriptures, the promise of eternity – these are eternal.
So anyway, I started running a fever in the middle of chemo. Who knows why. I’ve never done that before. By the time I got home, I was sick, sick, sick! By the next morning I was running a fever of 101.9 and couldn’t get out of bed. We were in the MDA emergency room by the afternoon and having tests, x-rays, cultures – you name it. They are nothing if not thorough at MDAnderson.
In the process of their thoroughness, they did labwork, and we learned that my platelet count had fallen again. This time it fell to 49. Yeah, that’s pretty discouraging. I need to remind my body that the goal is to get that number higher not lower!!
When we were finally discharged, the doctor’s orders for me, along with some new medication, were: drink 3 liters of water each day and rest. Well, I’ve already been drinking the water, so I guess my new orders are REST. Ah, rest. . . that should be easy to do, right? Especially since Jesus has promised to give the weary and burdened His rest. I will ask Him for that promised rest, and know that He will provide it.
My feelings are fleeting - and fickled. What I know is this: God’s Word is true and sure. I can build my life upon that foundation and know that it will stand the howling winds and ravaging storms. This week has been a reminder of that for me.
After watching Farrah’s story I am seeing that it is the ups and downs that seem to be the hardest to endure through this process. I can’t imagine what that’s like, especially for a believer. It’s good to see that when your faith is tested you rest and trust in Him. I hope the journey gets easier for you as you continue the path of healing.
Ginger
I am sorry that you had such a rough time, during your last chemo. A temperature will make you feel awful also.
I do want to pass on a little award to you, if you want it. It is harder than I realized, so if I ever get it posted, you can do what you want with it.
Praying for you,
Kim