October 31, 2008 ~ An Open Letter to Parker Brothers

Dear Sir or Madam,

I write to humbly ask you to consider revising the labeling of your popular board game, Monopoly.  I have searched all sides of the colorful box and though you specifically detail the age-appropriateness of the game, and the number of people who can play, you have overlooked a serious piece of information that should be included so that potential buyers are as informed as they should be before bringing your product into their homes.

Before I offer my labeling suggestion, you should know that our family has been lifelong Monopoly players and we always – each and every time! – have the same problem with your game, which leads me to believe that a change in labeling would save other players the same dilemma as the one we have repeatedly noticed.  Further, I have conducted nonscientific polling of other family members and acquaintances and have discovered that the problem appears widespread.

Last night we had Family Game Night.  We started with a fun and casual pizza dinner and noticed that everyone was in a good mood.  We laughed, shared funny stories, and generally enjoyed each other’s company.  I offer this information so that you will know that our problem was not a simple random fluke of poor humor.  No, we were happy – at least at first.

After dinner we began playing your bestselling game.  I was the dog (he’s so cute!) , John was the moneybag , our youngest son was the sporty car , and his sweet girlfriend was the shoe .  Again, we were all delighted with our selections of mini metal game pieces.  We eagerly rolled those pudgy little dice to see who went first, and then the game started in earnest. 

It went downhill pretty fast from there.

The game started around 7 pm and went on for about 3 and a half hours that quickly disintegrated into dog-eat-dog.  By the time the game was over, our happy little family had disintegrated into a cutthroat mob, each ready to wheel-and-deal their way into real estate mogul status.  It was, I must say, disappointing to see each of us stoop to such a low level.  By the time the game was over, we had all seen the evil side of each other.  Two words:  NOT. PRETTY.

Your mascot, the rollypolly Mr. Monopoly is typically drawn to appear good-natured and chipper:    Was this a conceptual error, or deliberately, and devilishly, misleading of your consumers to lure them into the mistaken belief that Monopoly will actually be lighthearted fun?  I contend that either Mr. Monopoly is a disturbed individual who enjoys watching people sink to their baser natures, as our family does each and every time we play Monopoly, or he is exactly the wrong one to promote your game!  Either way, Parker Brothers should reconsider how Mr. Monopoly is drawn, at least, and show him as the diabolical character he truly is.  Truth in advertising, you know.  I have a few suggestions for a more honest mascot for your product:

How ’bout this, more truthful, version of Mr Monopoly looking a little bit diabolical:   

Or maybe you could drop Mr. Monopoly altogether, but still stay with a cartoon, but one that is more intellectually honest like this: 

Or, for those of us who know that this game brings out our evil side, you might even consider this: 

My apologies.  I’ve run far afield of my original point, so back to my primary reason for writing this letter.  I beg of you, for the sake of all things good and decent, and in the name of family values, please consider placing the following warning on the outside packaging of your product (in bold lettering please):

WARNING:  Playing this game may cause temporary negative side effects including, but not limited to:  personality changes (often demonstrated by greed and double-dealing) , outbursts and/or displays of temper.  Players may develop lawyeristic tendencies, both in the interpretation of game rules and in overall ethical makeup.  The negative side effects, though typically temporary, may result in relationship disruption.  This disruption is generally reversed upon vowing to never play the game again and/or placing the game at the curb on the next scheduled trash day.

Thank you for hearing me out.  I trust that you will do the right thing for the future generations of Monopoly players to come.

I must sign off now as I have other letters to write – mostly letters of apology.

Sincerely yours,

Monopoly Victim in Texas

xxoo