My Own Road Home

I am sharing with you this devotional, written by David Wilkerson.  It ministered to me, educated me, and encouraged me in the faith.  I hope, that if you are also going through a battlefield, youwill also be ministered to through his words and insights.

FROM THE BATTLEFIELD OF FAITH 

by David Wilkerson

When Paul decided to go to Jerusalem, it wasn’t because he’d heard revival was breaking out there. He wasn’t a discouraged preacher looking for someone to impart something of God to him. No—he states clearly, “I went up…to Jerusalem…by revelation and communicated unto them that gospel which I preach” (Galatians 2:1–2). Paul went to Jerusalem to share a mystery that God wanted to reveal to his people.

This godly man had his own full, glorious revelation of Christ. He didn’t learn
the doctrines he preached by shutting himself in a study with books and
commentaries. He wasn’t some isolated philosopher who dreamed up theological truths, thinking, “Someday my works will be read and taught by future generations.”

Let me tell you how and where Paul produced his epistles. He wrote them in
dark, damp prison cells. He wrote them while wiping the blood from his back
after being scourged. He wrote them after crawling from the sea, having
survived another shipwreck.

Paul knew that all the truth and revelation he taught came from the battlefield of faith. And he rejoiced in his afflictions for the gospel’s sake. He said, “Now I can preach with all authority to every sailor who’s been through a shipwreck, to every prisoner who’s been locked up with no hope, to everybody who has ever looked death in the face. God’s Spirit is making me a tested veteran, so I can speak his truth to everyone who has ears to hear.”

God hasn’t turned you over to the power of Satan. No—he’s allowing your trial because the Holy Spirit is performing an unseen work in you. Christ’s glory is being formed in you for all eternity.

You’ll never get true spirituality from someone or something else. If you’re
going to taste God’s glory, it’s going to have to come to you right where you
are—in your present circumstances, pleasant or unpleasant.

I believe one of the great secrets of Paul’s spirituality was his readiness to
accept whatever condition he was in without complaining. He writes, “I have
learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content” (Philippians 4:11).

The Greek word for content here means “to ward off.” Paul is saying, “I don’t
try to protect myself from my unpleasant circumstances. I don’t beg God for
relief from them. On the contrary, I embrace them. I know from my history with the Lord that he’s doing something eternal in me.”

“That ye may be able to bear it…” (1 Corinthians 10:13). The word bear which
Paul uses here implies that our condition isn’t going to change. The point is
for us to bear up under the situation. Why? God knows that if he changes our
condition, we’ll end up destroyed. He allows us to suffer because he loves us.

Our part in every trial is to trust God for all the power and resources we need
to find contentment in the midst of our suffering. Please don’t misunderstand
me—being “content” in our trials doesn’t mean we enjoy them. It simply means we no longer try to protect ourselves from them. We are content to stay put and endure whatever is handed to us, because we know our Lord is conforming us to the image of his Son.

“Stethoscope,” courtesy of YouTube:

I’ve had a lot of people inquire about how I’m doing now that I’m over 2 years beyond my diagnosis of Stage 4 breast cancer, so I’ll bring ya’ll up to speed.

First of all, I’m still chuggin’ along.  I’ve been on virtually nonstop chemotherapy for the past year and a half, and wonder-of-wonders!, the latest chemo doesn’t make me bald!!!  It’s been absolutely freeing to take off the wig that has served me so well, and go out into the world with my own hair again.  Even if it did turn white! 

My white hair has caused quite a buzz and everyone (me included!) is still getting used to it.  When people ask about it, I giggle and tell them that I’m like Moses – I’ve been spending time in God’s presence.  Which isn’t altogether a joke – He’s continued to walk closely with me all along the way.  From the very first moment in April ’08 when John and I heard the diagnosis, God entered the situation and has carried us on the power of His deep love. I could never explain it any other way.  Though I get tired and weary of this journey sometimes, I never fail to see how He’s sustained us, surrounded us with the MOST loving people, and taught us the importance of keeping an attitude that He’d be pleased with.

My bloodwork these days isn’t too impressive.  My platelets are very low and not responding super-well to the new chemo treatment called Xeloda (I really hope the treatments aren’t issued in alphabetical order!)  However, they are inch-worming their way in the right direction.  The last number we received was 39 (normal starts at 140) so I have some of that not-too-attractive petechiae rash that accompanies low platelets.  However, this isn’t something that bothers me too much because the Xeloda has given me the best tan I’ve had in my life!  Just one of the side effects that happen to be wonderful since my Scandinavian heritage has always left me bereft of any summer color regardless of my many efforts to change that fact in my youth (slathering in baby oil and baking in the sun for hours only left me crying and looking like a very unhappy lobster!)

I went to a doctor at MDAnderson who thought he may be able to help through a bone marrow transplant study that he oversees.  After more examination of my case, he dropped me from the study because I’m not doing well enough on this chemo to be considered.  I noted a tone of relief in my oncologist’s voice when she gave me the news.  She never seemed happy with this option, but she let me explore it.  Her thoughts are that I’ve done relatively well, haven’t been hospitalized in more than a year, still have a good quality of life with lots of family and friends, and a church that I love, so why not just concentrate on those things?  Considering I have no options before me now, I think she’s right.  As the scripture says:

And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise.  (Philippians 4:8 NLT)

Still, I’m a fighter by nature – I’ve always known how to push past obstacles.  And now I’m a warrior in this battle.  So, I can’t guarantee that I won’t try other options if they present themselves. 

As from the first of this battle – I choose life!

Well, it’s been a while since I’ve written anything.  You’d have to know me well to know just how out of character that is for me.  Since I was a little curly-headed girl who knew how to make words, I’ve been writing.  Stories.  Feelings.  Journals.  Poetry.  Lyrics.  Whatever it was, it always came from my heart and through my hands onto the pages of a beautiful leather-bound journal (thank you, Shelley!), a scratch of paper, or the screen of a computer monitor. 

Lately, though, the words haven’t flowed through my hands.  They’ve flowed from my heart through prayer.  Prayers cried out in the morning, when the house is quiet and the only thing that rings in the air is the sound of my own voice calling out to Him, prayers offered throughout the day as I move through the acitivities of life, and prayers whispered in earnest as I wait for sleep to envelope me.

When I contemplated this change in me, I thought it felt like I was in survival mode instead of truly living each moment with fullness and purpose. 

Then it occurred to me.  This. Is. What. Endurance. Is. 

Endurance.  The dictionary defines it like this:  the ability or strength to continue or last, esp. despite fatigue, stress, or other adverse conditions; stamina:

So there it was:  the reason that I found things difficult to define with words other than those offered to my Heavenly Father.  I am enduring this trial of the physical, but He renews my strength daily and there is a gratitude that I feel for that which I can only express fully to Him.  It’s beyond words.

I’m not unique to this experience of endurance.  There are many, many people who are enduring trials right now.  Endurance is covered in the scriptures.  It’s old as time, but comforting to know that God is pleased by how we choose to handle it and trust Him in the midst of it.

“Therefore we do not lose heart. Even though our outward man is perishing, yet the inward man is being renewed day by day. For our light affliction, which is but for a moment [as seen from God's eternity], is working for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory, while we do not look at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen. For the things which are seen are temporary, but the things which are not seen are eternal.” (2 Corinthians 4:16-18)

“Therefore, having been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom also we have access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and rejoice in hope of the glory of God. And not only that, but we also glory in tribulations, knowing that tribulation produces perseverance; and perseverance, character; and character, hope. Now hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out in our hearts by the Holy Spirit who was given to us.”  (Romans 5:1-5)

“Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.”  (1 Corinthians 13:4-7)

“…count it all joy when you fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience [endurance]. But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing.”  (James 1:2-4)

“You therefore must endure hardship as a good soldier of Jesus Christ. No one engaged in warfare entangles himself with the affairs of this life, that he may please him who enlisted him as a soldier.” (2 Timothy 2:3-5)

Endurance isn’t a particularly engaging subject.  Everyone wants their problems solved in 30 minutes – you know, like the way a sitcom wraps it all up quick-quick.  But enurance is the long-haul.  The long road that nobody really wants to travel.

And yet . . . I am convinced that true faith and trust are learned on that long road.  Spiritual maturity is picked up along the way, too, because endurance isn’t for babies or wimps.  There’s good, difficult lessons to be learned on that long, long road, but oh boy, are they priceless!